Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
