I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
