Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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