my phone needs a breathalizer
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
