Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize