hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
