I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
