Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
