plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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