i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
