i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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