i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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