My hand turned me down
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
