I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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