I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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