I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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