DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
