I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
pop tarts are not kleenex
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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