woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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