I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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