Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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