i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
