I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
