Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
