no, he came in my armpit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
