I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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