PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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