so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The ass gains better be worth it
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