Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
