If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
