I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
