the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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