They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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