I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.