I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.