I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants