and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
