Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
