I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
