WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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