I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
