drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
