i would punch a child for taco bell
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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