she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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