He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
