What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
