Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
