You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
