Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
