he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
