My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
