Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
