STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
