dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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