Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
