I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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