I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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