I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
