We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
