I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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