In the future we'll all be gay
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
