yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize