Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
