so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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