He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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