dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
