just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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