just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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