They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize