I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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