margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
