You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize