Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
