i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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