so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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