Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
