just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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