And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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