dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
