If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
