we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You pole danced in your parka.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
