i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
