dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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